7/30/13

What to do when single guy ministers hit on female youth workers



Saying “No” to Other Single Ministers
Guest Blog Post By: @Heatherlea

Face it, it’s going to happen: At some point in your ministry (well if you stay single long enough for it to happen), another single minister is going to think that you pray hot and that your worship is attractive. He’s going to approach you, perhaps call you pretty any chance he gets, and be extremely awkward (as most Christian boys are).

So how do you combat this…that is, if you don’t want this?

  • Don’t comb your hair. Better yet, don’t even shower. 
  • Wear sweats all the time. 
  • Anytime a guy talks to you, point at your purity ring and recite 1 Corinthians 7. 
  • Punch them in the arm every time you talk to them. 
  • Call them “friend,” “bud,” “brosky,” or “brother from another mother.” 
But if you’re like me and like to shower?

Set physical boundaries
We often set the rule to never be alone with a student of the opposite sex, and I believe this applies even when you are on staff with them (single or not). If you are networking with youth leaders around your city, meet them in a public place. Don’t give the wrong impression to a guy. Don’t touch them unless it is natural for you both. Be smart, and if they are making you feel uncomfortable, let them know that you aren’t a touchy-feely kind of person and that you don’t like to be touched.

Set emotional boundaries
With our girlfriends, it is super-easy to share our junk and air out our lives. With guys, they either don’t want to hear it, or by hearing it are experiencing intimacy. As a general rule in my personal life, I do not share “intimate” details with a guy who I am not dating—I don’t want to feel connected with them because I told them something personal, and I don’t want them to expect the same from me.

Refer them to another male.
Typically when a guy messages me on Facebook and asks me a question about ministry (this happens to me quite a bit!), I refer them to a brother of mine in ministry who can do a better job of answering that question than me, anyway. It’s not that I won’t talk to a guy, but I would rather do it in a more public setting, like the YouthMin.Org Facebook Group. I just don’t want to give a guy the wrong idea, and I certainly want to protect my heart as well.

Diffuse the situation if it escalates.
Don’t lead the guy on. If he begins calling you pretty, don’t ignore it just because he’s in ministry and you’re trying to be nice. He’s still a man, and he deserves for you to treat him with respect by graciously telling him that you are not interested and that what he is saying makes you feel uncomfortable. I had a guy who pursued me for three or four months before I finally told him that calling me pretty is not something I feel appropriate for a friend, which was all I was interested in being. Because I let it go so long, he was upset. Don’t be a jerk like me.

Say “yes” once in a while (if ya are single!) 
There may be a male caller who does interest you. It’s okay to abandon your feminist ways and let him take you out to dinner. You don’t have to marry the guy, and it’s completely okay to explore options once in a while. You don’t have to brick off every guy who comes your way, especially when you share the same ministry calling.



Heather Lea Campbell is a youth worker in St. Louis, MO. Heather blogs at heatherleacampbell.me and youthmin.org. You can follow her craziness on Twitter @heatherlea17.




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